F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said, “There are no second acts in American lives.” He was a literary genius, but a relationship dummy. Or pessimist, anyway. Of course there are second acts in American lives. In all lives. As well as third, nineteenth and zillionth acts, too.
If you’re an optimist, that is. If you optimistically reject that a few words—say, til death do us part—eliminate forever the chance to begin anew. Or that bad decisions, or ones that despite good intentions and efforts turned out poorly, are final. No, optimists think unfortunate, even horrible, situations are natural, inevitable challenges in any well-lived life.
And when it comes to significant relationships, aren’t we all optimists and risk takers? Or, don’t we all at least start that way? If we insisted success be guaranteed, no one would ever get seriously involved. And marriage is the ultimate gamble—the willful ignoring of the unlikelihood that two random people make each other happy, or happy enough, for 50 or 60 years. Only us hopeful, romantic optimists take that bet.
And it’s so worth it, one of the great times of any life. The exciting beginning of a meaningful, loving relationship, a core experience of being human. But then, as things do, relationships evolve and change. And for some, not for the better. Bonds weaken and strain. Maybe there are good intentions, maybe not. But the connection withers. And doesn’t recover. And that’s so painful, so intense and demoralizing, it can overwhelm the basic optimism that motivated us in the first place. To where we forget we ever had it.
Sound familiar? Think that’s forever? If so, sorry, F*** It. Get A Divorce is not for you. But if there’s an optimist somewhere inside you, even just one tiny glowing ember, maybe you should give the course a try. Maybe it can be a bellows, an inner-engine restarter, a hopeful guide to moving on, and in a calm, amicable, even loving way. Minimizing hurt. And not just for you.
Many—most—marriages and serious relationships don’t last a lifetime. They just… don’t. But when that happens, in F*** It. Get A Divorce we don’t mourn or seethe. Optimistically, we say, well ok, time to do a reality check. Recommit and dig in for another attempt at rebirthing the relationship? Maybe. But, maybe not. Perhaps it’s time to gently, thoughtfully, caringly put things in order. And take loving care of others. Then go back to being that hopeful you, start fresh, search for happiness again.
That’s what optimists do, right? Fall down but get back up, brush off and keep moving ahead? Pessimists see a tough situation and think, life is what it is, why bother. Too much risk. Too much possible pain. Staying put in unhappy relationships, they end up on autopilot, alive but barely living. But optimists see the tough situation and think: F*** it, get a divorce. F*** it, my life isn’t over, my chances for reinvention and happiness aren’t limited, I just need to figure out how to move on. I need to be cognizant and careful to avoid bruising myself and others and that’s not easy, and no matter what people will get hurt and so will I, but still, it’s time to change my life—my precious, ever evaporating, one-and-only life. So, I’m going to.
Sound like you? Or a person you’d like to be, or be again?
Then F*** It. Get A Divorce is for you, optimist.
